A Short Hiatus From Writing As Of 9/28/14

[miri_uchiha]

I apologize to my readers. But I need to take a break. I'm so emotionally unstable right now that I can't seem to focus on writing. If you hadn't seen my post on Tumblr, then here it is. Just an inside look of why I'm on a hiatus. I apologize again.

Is it too late to change my mind and say that I want to kill myself? No one believes me when I say that there seems to be no love in our family. It’s always about status and education and I hate it. I wish we could pace ourselves. I wish we could just enjoy life instead of being forced towards the future in fear of being looked down on by others.

Why? … Why was I born into a family full of structure where an ounce of human emotion is not allowed? Why is being unsure of our future a bad thing? Why must we know everything about our future now? I feel so trapped … for myself and for my siblings. It’s not fair that we are surveillance by our relatives to do good … to go into a career that everyone approves of … Pharmacy … Doctor … Why only those two choices?

I’m tired. I thought if I just plowed through, if I did what my parents wanted, that I would see their meaning of happiness … but it’s so hard to see through the pain I feel inside. I’m not meant to be a medical student, but I’m trying just to please my parents. I’m trying so hard, but they never seem to be satisfied.

But no matter how much I want to give up, I just can’t … because of them, I can’t stop. Even if I get hurt more, even if I slip into darkness just a little deeper … I know that I can’t get out of this debt.

One day, I know … that I’ll eventually go through with my suicide because of this trapped feeling.

Comments

[almond-7961.livejournal.com]

I… I don't know what to say about this and I know nothing I say would make you feel any better.. but I really do hope that everything will be fine for you :)
#gambatte

[lily-26.livejournal.com]

Hi
Your post broke my heart and I feelnthat I just wanted to reach out and say, it might feelmlike it will never get better but it does, hang in there and dont give up, no matter what family pressure you in to if you stand up and say no and they look down at what choices you prefer at the end if you are happy they will have to accept you choice, and for their not to be love, honey every family shows love in their own way take heart in the fact that they want you to be successful to mean they care.feel free tommessage me anytime , sometimes itsveasier to talk to a stranger. And not to weird you out am a girl and in college , and ive been where you are, if you need a friend you got one

[tapzz.livejournal.com]

hey there...i really dont know what to say abt this..this post is just...i cant get it out of my head...:(..i had faced the same situation years ago..
i dont know who u r but let me tell u one thing..
U ARE AN AMAZING PERSON..SO STRONG TO HANDLE ALL THESE THINGS...i know that its too late and u cant change ur life now..but it will get better..
..and if u have any thing to share plzz message me...sometimes it is easy to talk to strangers...i'll gladly talk with u..
JUST STAY STRONG HUN..AND EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT..:) :)

[phinea2009.livejournal.com]

Miri ... Please believe that there will be better days. There's so much out there for you to discover and love. Hurting yourself is denying yourself the chance to see better days and they will come.

I am here for you too.