miri_uchiha

I apologize to my readers. But I need to take a break. I'm so emotionally unstable right now that I can't seem to focus on writing. If you hadn't seen my post on Tumblr, then here it is. Just an inside look of why I'm on a hiatus. I apologize again.

Is it too late to change my mind and say that I want to kill myself? No one believes me when I say that there seems to be no love in our family. It’s always about status and education and I hate it. I wish we could pace ourselves. I wish we could just enjoy life instead of being forced towards the future in fear of being looked down on by others.

Why? … Why was I born into a family full of structure where an ounce of human emotion is not allowed? Why is being unsure of our future a bad thing? Why must we know everything about our future now? I feel so trapped … for myself and for my siblings. It’s not fair that we are surveillance by our relatives to do good … to go into a career that everyone approves of … Pharmacy … Doctor … Why only those two choices?

I’m tired. I thought if I just plowed through, if I did what my parents wanted, that I would see their meaning of happiness … but it’s so hard to see through the pain I feel inside. I’m not meant to be a medical student, but I’m trying just to please my parents. I’m trying so hard, but they never seem to be satisfied.

But no matter how much I want to give up, I just can’t … because of them, I can’t stop. Even if I get hurt more, even if I slip into darkness just a little deeper … I know that I can’t get out of this debt.

One day, I know … that I’ll eventually go through with my suicide because of this trapped feeling.