miri_uchiha

Pairing: Junsu/Changmin
Genre: Angst/Drama
Rating: PG-13
Idea: Maple Leaf @ picturewritingprompts.tumblr taken from flickr, which was uploaded by Dariane Cristine
Summary: Changmin thought it was unfair. His lover should be favoring him and not the family members. But only after he pieced the torn paper back together, that he understood the precious meaning of his gift.

Author's Note: This took me a while to write considering I get home late most days due to my school schedule. But I finally finished after two weeks. Hope it's readable.
-x-

A picture of a golden maple leaf and a short poem. That's what Junsu left him with, while the Kim family were left with money and extravagant gifts.

"Is that all the boy gave you?"

Changmin looked up at his mother-in-law and turned his eyes away. He heard the grating laugh as he turned and walked down the empty hallway before slipping inside his shared bedroom with his now deceased lover, Kim Junsu.

He threw the picture of a maple leaf away before opening the envelope that he had received; the only thing that Junsu left him with. And it was a poem. A silly, stupid poem. No money. No car. No house.

"Are you kidding me?!" Changmin ripped the poem in half and then in half again before tossing it into the trash. Seething in anger, he stared at the portrait of their wedding picture that they took three years ago hanging just above the headboard. He tore the picture down and smashed it against the wall. He let out a frustrating scream before falling to his knees. After seven years of love, of understanding, he realized that this was all he got in the end.

"Junsu, do I even mean anything to you? Was the past seven years nothing but lies?"

Changmin knelt there on the floor, shedding silent tears for what seemed like a few hours when he finally decided once and for all to leave the place. He would be walking into a death trap if he stayed any longer holed up with people who did not even like him, much less cared for him. It was Junsu who had protected him from his in-law's hatred all these years. Junsu was supposed to marry a perfect, respectable girl. Not a man. They didn't care that he was a doctor. They didn't care that he made a stable income. The gender was the problem. It was always the problem.

"Fine. If you don't want me, then I'm gone," Changmin stood up, fists at his side as he searched for his belongings and began packing. It was time to leave the life that he had walked in on and from day one had to be forced to hide behind his lover's comforting shadow. Everyday he hid out of sight for fear of what Mrs. Kim would do to him, for what she could threaten him with.

He took the steps up into the attic where he secretly stored things from the rest of the family. No one used the area because it was rumored to be haunted by a girl, so it was safe that none of his precious things were thrown away.

"Is this . . ?" Changmin picked up a small bound book, the brown leather cover was slightly worn with tiny tears here and there. He recognized it as Junsu's diary. No one was allowed to read the contents. Even though he was his husband, Junsu forbid him from peeking. But since Junsu was now gone and wouldn't be able to prevent him from opening it, maybe he could take a look?

Changmin sat down near the only light source in the room and opened the book. The first entry dated a few months before their initial meeting.

March 22, 2004

It was raining the past few days and even though everyone in my family complains about the dreary weather, I could not help but find happiness within it. I know that after a good rain shower, that the sun will brightly shine behind the dark, gray clouds. It's a sight to behold.

Changmin scoffed, "Who knew he loved the rain? He was always complaining while we were going out."

He flipped through the pages until he reached the date when they first began as friends.

December 15, 2004

Today is my birthday and guess what? I made my first new friend in a long while. Okay, it has been only a week since my last new friend, but the feeling of happiness was just too hard to ignore. His name is Shim Changmin. He's tall for a 17-year old. Yes, he is younger than I am but only by one year! I wonder what he ate to grow that tall. I'm short compared to him and I feel so insecure whenever I stand next to him. I've seen him around campus before. I always thought of him as a nerd and kind of weird. I never thought I would befriend someone like him. I didn't even know that he knew who I was much less knew when my birthday was. I think I'm beginning to like this kid. He says he plays video games. I wonder if I can beat him.

Changmin laughed and then choked. He tasted the salty tears on his lips.

"Stupid . . . "

He wiped the tears away and sniffled before turning the crisp pages until he reached a certain date.

February 14, 2005

I never believed in love at first sight. I never thought it would happen to me. Do you know the secret? The one I've fallen for . . . is a guy. I have sinned, right? Will I get punished for liking a guy and my best friend for the past two months? It's not wrong, is it?

This morning at school, I sent him a Valentine's card. I did not sign my name inside. I was too much of a coward. I thought maybe if I continued to deny my feelings that maybe, just maybe I would forget about it. But today when I saw him reading my card, his smile blew my worries away. I knew then, that I just didn't care. I loved him and that was that.

"But did you know, Junsu-yah . . . that I knew it was you. I knew that card was you. No one could ever bring a smile to my face as much as you. Your handwriting was so messy and distinctive. You couldn't have passed off as anonymous if you tried," Changmin chuckled, tears long gone and now only a sense of nostalgia creeped into the air around him. He turned the pages and stopped to a page where a familiar picture was pasted. It was the same golden maple leaf that he had left on his bed downstairs.

November 18, 2005

Today, did you know what happened? I finally mustered up the courage to kiss him. It was random. I was nervous and he was oblivious. We were talking about our latest bet on who would win our next round of video games when he started talking about what kind of food his mom was going to make on Thanksgiving day. I tried to listen to his food ramblings, but at that moment, while we were walking down the street of our neighborhood, the beautiful warm sunset shone at just the right angle that made him glow in an orange light. Even the leaves of the maple tree began falling all around us and everything about him became breathtaking. I knew then, that I had fallen even more in love with him.

I must've stopped walking because he turned to look at me. I walked up to him and just kissed him. His lips were rough and dry but it was still him. He looked at me with a confused expression on his face and for a second I thought he was going to reject me. I never told him I liked him. The kiss was a blatant confession of my feelings. I was scared to look but suddenly he placed his hands on my shoulders. I looked up and he had a smile on his face. He told me he liked me too. And I was happy.

Changmin ran a hand over the entry, a small sad smile on his lips. He remembered that day perfectly. He was hungry and excited for Thanksgiving that was coming up a week from that day when he had noticed Junsu lagging behind. He turned and for the first time, noticed just how handsome the other boy was; standing there thinking with his brow furrowed and lips turned down in a frown. In one quick moment, he saw the change in the boy's expression as he began making his way towards him with a serious look. To be honest, he never thought a kiss would happen between them in a million years. So when it happened, he was befuddled.

"Hyung . . . "

Changmin remembered the tense look on the other boy's face with his shoulders hunched forward as if he wanted to curl within himself. But he remembered smiling and laying a hand on Junsu's shoulder for comfort before confessing his own feelings as well. It was then, that he fell into fantasy and hell combined.

Sighing, Changmin turned the page hoping to find some happiness within the next few entries and caught the date when they both decided to introduce one another to their families. Of course both sides weren't rainbows and sunshines, they were more like hurricanes and tornadoes of black clouds with heavy rain pour. It was the most daunting moment of their lives, but the entry of that day, was quite the opposite for Junsu.

April 17, 2006

Today was the first time I met Changmin's family. We had been going out for five months now and although we both knew our families would not approve of our relationship, we still had our obligations. We wanted to show them that we were happy together, that our relationship was normal and not damaging to the people around us.

They greeted us with smiles and laughter . . . before we finally dropped the bomb on them. The silence was frightening but I kept my head held high. I did not want them to see how much of a coward I was inside. I had to be strong for Changmin.

They tried to break us with their words. They tried gently, to turn us around and I knew that Changmin's heart was breaking. They didn't approve of us, of our abnormal relationship. When he finally walked me outside, I held onto his hand one last time and I promised him, that we would get through this. I promised that I would protect him. And I will keep that promise.

Changmin wiped away the tears that fell down his cheeks once again. He knew Junsu was strong, but never this driven and dedicated. Junsu really cared about him and their relationship. Junsu loved him.

September 27, 2008

For a few days now, I had been feeling strange. It came out of the blue and it scared me. So I decided to confide with Junho about the situation and he suggested that I should go see a doctor. I decided not to disclose this little meeting to Changmin and to the rest of my family because I didn't want to get them worked up about it if it ended being nothing at all. My fears were answered when I got the result back. I had cancer in my lungs. I never smoked in my life nor did I surround myself with people who smoked. One day I was walking with Changmin at the park when suddenly I could not breathe. I coughed up blood and would have random chest and shoulder pains. I tried to make it seem like everything was all right, but I was surprised that this was happening to me. But after a while, it passed as if it never happened. I thought it was just a hurdle I was able to go over and that I was finally going to continue on with my life being happy. Little did I know, that it was the beginning to a string of similar events happening just a few weeks after.

I loved Changmin. I loved my family. I loved them all dearly. But I could not tell them. I decided to keep the truth to myself. After a few more tests in the following weeks, the doctor estimated how much time I had left. The time was too short. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Changmin, but with this sudden news I knew I had to act now. I wanted Changmin to marry me.

"So that's the reason why. I knew it was far too early for us to get engaged. And here I gave you such a hard time back then, making you wait for one more month before I even said yes," Changmin sighed. He didn't want to read the rest of the entries. He knew them all by heart. How much of a hard time he gave the other man, arguing about the little things that did not seem to matter before but now seemed like it was the end of the world. He felt guilt that they had all these fights and making life difficult when all Junsu wanted was to have a good time and spend the rest of his life with the person he loved. But Changmin wanted to read one last entry.

June 4, 2009

Today's the day. I'm finally going to get married to Changmin. My parents are outside sitting and waiting. I know they don't want to be here, but somehow Junho managed to convince them. I haven't asked Changmin if his family was coming. I hope I do not cough up blood due to me being overly nervous right now. I don't want to shock everyone who took the time to come to witness this ceremony. I only want what is best for Changmin. I can not afford to mess this up now. I still have three more years, three more beautiful years of memories with Changmin.

But I have to go now. They are telling me that I have to stand at the head of the alter to wait for Changmin. I'm already nervous and shaking. Hwaiting!

Changmin laughed, "Hwaiting? This is not a game you're winning, idiot."

He closed the diary and tucked it under his arm. With a quick wipe of the tears on his cheeks, Changmin continued what he came up to the attic for. While taking careful steps downstairs with a cardboard box of things he needed, he suddenly remembered his gift from Junsu. He quickly went down the stairs and headed toward their bedroom only to see the trash can empty.

"Damn it!" Changmin headed outside and bumped into Mrs. Kim who was on her way back from getting the mail. She looked up at him with distaste,

"And where are you running off to?"

"Nowhere," Changmin mumbled and brushed past her to the garbage can out front near the roadside and began digging. The elderly woman scoffed,

"I don't know why Junsu bothered marrying you. A doctor, married into the Kim family is now digging through rubbish? Whatever it is, you can always replace it with your dirty money."

Changmin stopped for a second, wanting to retort back but instead he continued digging for the plastic bag that held the scraps of paper he tore in his anger. How he regretted at that moment. He had questioned Junsu's love for him and this was the result of his misunderstanding.

"I was stupid, Junsu. I was so stupid," Changmin whispered as he pulled out plastic bags and began searching for the scraps of paper. When Mrs. Kim realized that the latter was not going to answer her, she went inside the house muttering how gullible her son was to not see the true nature of Shim Changmin and that it was the reason for his tragic downfall.

"I got one . . ." Changmin whispered in disbelief. But to his disappointment, instead of it being all in one trash bag, it was dumped out of the trash can and into the garbage. He held the one puzzle piece with precious care as he dug with his other hand, pushing aside trash bags and other filthy rubbish. It was not until about 30 minutes later that he had all the pieces. He headed back inside to tape the poem back only to find that one piece was missing.

Changmin rushed back outside even when dawn was looming over the horizon. With daylight diminishing as each minute ticked by, he knew he had to hurry. He pulled the trash bags out of the garbage once again and dug around the loose trash sitting at the bottom. Bits of food and juices leaked out of broken plastic bags and got onto his hands. Without even a thought of disgust, he continued to search and search. The last piece had to be somewhere. But as many hours he tried, he could not find it. Smelling of rot from head to toe, he headed into the shower to wash the stench off his body and to remember to discard his dirty clothes in the trash can. He could buy more clothes as his mother-in-law stated. But he knew that he could never replace the poem that was written from the bottom of his lover's heart.

With a heavy heart, he went into his bedroom and sat on the mattress. Starting tomorrow, he would move in with his parents until he was able to get an apartment near the hospital. But for now, he could only look around the room filled with the stuff of his dead husband and wished that the messed up scrap of paper taped horribly on the oak desk didn't end up the way it did. Changmin closed his eyes, ready for a good night sleep. The last thoughts before he succumbed to the darkness, were of his husband.

-x-

The next morning he heard the sound of birds chirping and he could see the light of the morning from behind his eyelids. But aside from the normal routine of nature, he felt arms secured around his waist and a hot breath at his neck. It was something that was familiar to him, something that he had experienced not even a week ago. But the feeling vanished when he opened his eyes to the reality and looked behind him to the spot where his husband used to lay. There was no one there. He was alone on the cold bed with a thin sheet of blanket around him. It could not have been able to provide enough warmth for him that only a body could. He missed Junsu. He missed his husband so much.

Knock Knock

Changmin looked up towards the doorway, "Yes?"

"There are some movers out in the driveway. Did you call for them?" his mother-in-law asked.

"I did," he answered. There was no hiding from them now.

"I'll let them in. And Changmin, you are a good son-in-law for listening to your elders. We are very happy that you are finally realizing what we want. Just make sure you take everything with you."

Changmin clutched the sheets in his fists as he heard the footsteps fade away. It was true. He had no reason to stay. Junsu wasn't here, so why should he be here also?

He threw his legs over the side of the bed and got up. It was time to leave. He grabbed his bags and grabbed everything that belonged to Junsu and of things that were important to his husband. After securing the cardboard boxes with tape, he pushed them towards the door where the movers could pick it up. Changmin made a quick scan of the room to assure himself that he did not leave anything behind. Seeing the taped poem on the desk, he went to pick it up. He still could not find the last remaining piece of torn paper and it weighed heavily on his heart. If only he had not ripped the paper up, maybe he could leave the house feeling relieved and free.

The movers came up to the bedroom and began carrying the boxes down to the truck. Changmin moved to follow them out of the room but stopped at the doorway. He looked back at the room, hand on the doorknob. With one final look he turned away, pulling the door closed behind him. He was ready to leave the Kim household for good.

-x-

Changmin walked out to the driveway and looked back at the house, the cage that he lived in for the past three years. Now he was finally free to breathe the clean air again.

As he got into the passenger's side of the mover's truck, he noticed something white in one of the bushes near the gate entrance. He quickly got out and headed over and with utmost disbelief, he laughed in happiness and delirium. It was the piece of paper that he had almost given up on. The puzzle was complete. The poem was complete.

With the wind whipping through his hair as the truck moved towards his hometown, Changmin read the poem that his husband had left him with on his death bed.

Love was supposed to be bright and free,

yet lately it seemed that I was the only one basking in the sun's rays.

I shielded my only love in the darkness,

hoping to mask the fears we both brought upon our names.

We pretended that everything was fine,

we pretended that it didn't hurt.

If I could, I would like to be reborn again,

to a place where our love is free and we no longer have to hide.

And if I could have one last wish,

it would be to free us from the dark shackles around our hearts.

- Junsu

He cried. For the millionth time that week, he shed tears of sadness.